About What You Said Lately

You said to me

Make someone smile everyday

And look at something beautiful.

That day I looked at you

And I smiled.

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Paradise

I’ll only dare to bite your neck when we are drunk again.

For if I laid my hands on you in brightest light of spring,

It would feel like eating tempting tabooed fruit all naked and in vain.

Ashamed, I’d never come too close before the night sneaks in,

Or exhibit my flesh raw or block your sight and blind your eyes.

But when the dark and I fall both into your arms, simultaneously by chance,

I know I will feel safe, hidden in the noisy, flashing disco light,

One night, when, for a while, I will stand still as my heart starts to dance.

Just a bit, just for one beat,

just until I’ll realize:

I can’t be drunk in paradise.

Carelessness

This morning, when my laces came undone,

And I walked on because I didn’t care,

It occurred to me that

The last time I saw you,

Your shoe laces were untied, too.

You guided me out of the building and

You hadn’t even properly put on

Your classic black and white striped running shoes.

Maybe, because you knew

You wouldn’t go much further

Than the automatic doors.

And probably you also knew that

I would just as well have found out on my own.

As much as I, Good Girl,

Could make my way through

Warm dark air towards the trains.

 

This morning, though,

When I was just about to

Take my treasures and my goods back home,

My laces still undone for

I didn’t have any further to go,

I wondered whether you,

Secretly,

Ever thought of that moment long ago.

And if, not having seen me in so long,

And surely not about to see me soon,

You somehow wished a tiny little bit,

That you back then,

At least,

Had tied your shoes.

Come Home Pantoum

It’s the distance she craved close to me.

Did modesty make me breathe on?

I kept riding in circles so I’d never have to stop.

I shouted out and the answer echoed me.

 

Did modesty make me breathe on?

I listened to the bursting silence of her mind.

I shouted out and the answer echoed me.

She never said she’s scared, ‘cause I was, too.

 

I listened to the bursting silence of her mind.

I slept on the sofa when she was not home.

She never said she’s scared, ‘cause I was, too.

The bed sheets remained the same, unmade.

 

I slept on the sofa when she was not home.

It’s the distance she craved close to me.

The bed sheets remained same, unmade.

I kept riding in circles so I’d never have to stop.

 

I shouted out and the answer echoed me.

Sleep home, come close. Sleep close, come home.

Blink.

And 1 noon, you stood in my bookstore,

In the corner on the second floor

The second-left loose plank creaked,

As you smiled with ocean eyes and rosy cheeks,

Coloured from cold winter air and

Framed by your messy golden hair.

The church clock stroke 1 – a lash into my eyes,

Like reflections on closed window skies,

Outside hissed blue frozen winds

And with them you and all my sins.

 

Responding

If I were to choose my way

Coming with an early train

I’d always walk on your side of the street.

 

And when I’m strolling home at night

With arcade fire in my ears

In my head, we’re strumming on our air guitars.

 

But when you asked me on that day

Why I preferred him over you

I did not know what I should say.

 

But if you asked me right this second,

As I’m eating my pistachio ice-cream from a cup,

Then I would say to you that you’re not real.

 

Sad things never are.

Fix You

The end of us turned up last spring in the guise of a beginning.

Now I’m watching you on the verge of talking with your half-turned back while my words, too, they drift away with echoing clasps of laughter from a long past time.

So I go on ignoring you ignoring me.

I want to speak out loud what I swallow and cannot digest: You looked prettier when you were broken, when you looked like something I could fix.

But you preferred to remain that way,  to crave her hands instead of mine.

April 8th 2015

When you kissed me on my salty cheek on April 8th, I turned away and stared towards the city lights that shone like only future can.

The pain was eating me alive so I fed it with the words I swallowed.

We walked home in silence to the door step where I did not turn around.

Instead, I laid down on my tidy bed alone, between two folded blankets, like an unborn in her mother’s womb.

On that day I learnt what it was like to die.

Sweet Dreams

I guess you don’t remember

How I came into the room last night,

Trying not to wake you,

Hoping for you to

Open your eyes anyway,

So you could have seen me,

How I covered you with your blanket,

and kissed you on your sleepy cheek,

Just to say good night,

Just because you looked so pretty.

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